Ever since I lots my baby I have been getting angry at him. I really tell him some sick stuff. That I feel bad afterwards. But, sometimes he starts disrespecting me and I get even madder. Like yesterday, I told him that I had my first vegan burger. And I wanted to show him the DVD about the animals. He took it the wrong way. I told him that I wasn't gonna alot of  meat. Accept the cheese stuff. I need the milk but, I will eat meat once in a while. But, he took it the wrong way. He was saying that "you are just trying to change me". I love meat and you can stop that. Through out the DVD he was saying shit about it. He was been a jerk. He always act like a jerk around his friends. My intension wasn't to change his style of eating. I was trying to make conversation. But, they took it the wrong way. Anyway, he was saying dumb stuff about the video I felt bad, I told them, "Well, if you guys don't want to see it. I'm sorry I waste your time."

Everything I do, like I told my fiance that I put on a wig to try to look like those Gongaro girls. He made fun of me. His friend did also. I really didn't like that. So I got really pissed of and took their beers and slam it on the floor. My fiance said what the fuck!! he scream at me and said what's wrong with you.

Anyway, we settle everything out. And now we are cool about everything. But, I know it's gonna happen again. I just know it. I feel my hormones are very taking over my life. It's ruining my relationship. I just hope I don't end up alone. I feel I let everyone down. Like I was gonna be a mother. I know is not my fault. But, I feel the urge to not be with him. Cause' I don't want to hurt him. I hurt his feelings alot. I don't know why?

He says I hate him. But, I love him so much. I just want to protect him. That's all...

Anyway, so sorry for telling all this it's just something I need to take off my chest.